How can I trigger negative emotions
Control emotions: in 5 easy steps
Emotions have enormous power.
Positive feelings make your heart bloom, while negative feelings can tear you into a deep hole.
And anyone who has ever been unhappily in love or furious with anger has probably thought:
"If only I could somehow control these damn feelings!"
Then what most people do instead:
They try to suppress their feelings.
The problem with this is that it doesn't work. On the contrary: suppressing emotions can even be very dangerous! More on that later in the article ...
In this article I will therefore show you how you can get your emotions under control so that you are no longer at the mercy of them:
Table of Contents
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How do your feelings arise?
If you want to control your emotions, you have to know how they arise in the first place ...
Most people believe that feelings are generated by external events.
Do you also think, for example ...
Almost everyone thinks that way. They think that their feelings are triggered by things that happen on the outside.
But that is not the case!
Because the truth is: Your feelings arise IN YOU!
It is your THOUGHTS that create your feelings. How you THINK about a thing determines how you feel:
Here is an example from practice:
Imagine seeing your girlfriend chatting with a strange guy at a party. Now you have 2 ways you can think about it:
Option 1: If you think she is flirting with him, you get jealous and seething with anger.
Option 2: You think that she has met a good friend and remain emotionally completely relaxed.
You see: How you think about the situation decides how you feel.
Most people are not even aware of this process. They just suppress their bad feelings ...
You will find out why this is bad in the next section:
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Why it is dangerous to suppress feelings
In the childhood the adults show us very clearly which feelings are wanted and which are not:
Crying children are comforted quickly, angry children are scolded or punished and even exuberant, happy children are sometimes admonished not to be “so over-excited”.
The message is always: Strong feelings are not wanted.
The child learns to suppress his emotions instead of living them out ...
We then maintain this behavior as adults. Instead of letting in and living out our feelings, we want to turn them off as quickly as possible. Strong feelings unsettle us or even scare us. No wonder - after all, we never really learned how to deal with these strong emotions ...
However, repressed feelings are like a time bomb.
Because feelings only want one thing: BE FEELED!
If you don't let that happen, they'll explode at some point and then they're really uncontrollable. Aggression, nervous breakdowns, and depression are classic examples of this.
Or they express themselves in the form of physical illnesses because you have been eating negative feelings such as sadness, anger or pain for years ...
To prevent this from happening to you, you should stop trying to turn off your feelings! Don't be afraid to let them in, even if it feels wrong and unfamiliar at first. You will get a few tips on how to deal with particularly strong negative emotions at the end of the article ...
You are probably thinking now: “I thought I was learning to control my emotions here. Instead, should I just allow them? "
Do not worry. As promised, I am now giving you instructions with which you can control your emotions:
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Learning to control emotions: a step-by-step guide
Here I will show you how you can learn to control your emotions ...
Why is that important?
Answer: When I look at all the successful and satisfied people in my area, they have one thing in common:
They are all masters of their inner state. They are not victims of their emotions, but can choose for themselves which state they want to be in.
And that makes perfect sense because:
Only when you are in control of yourself can you work productively on other things. Or the other way around: As long as you are not in control of yourself, you also have no other area in your life under control. Isn't it logical?
So the goal is to get yourself under control and learn to handle your emotions properly. You can find out how to do this in the following guide:
This is how you get your emotions under control
- Take responsibility for your feelings
Make yourself aware: YOU ALONE decide about your feelings. Think back to the first section: It's not the situation, it's not the other people, there is nothing on the outside that is causing your feelings. They arise within you and thus YOU can also consciously control and control them.
- Be aware of your feelings
Instead of suppressing the feeling, you feel it very consciously. The best way to do this is to concentrate on your body: where exactly do you feel the feeling? Is it a pressure in the stomach, a pulling in the chest or a buzzing in the head? Observe the feeling in your body - with this you automatically direct your mindfulness away from the outside and to where your feeling arises: into your INSIDE.
- Exhale the feelings
Now concentrate on your breathing. Deep abdominal breathing is best: You breathe very consciously deep into your stomach so that it bulges outwards. As you exhale, imagine yourself letting go of your feelings and exhaling. Repeat deep inhalations and exhalations until you feel that your emotions have calmed down a bit.
- Make yourself aware of your thoughts
Now you can calmly consider what thoughts you had BEFORE these strong feelings occurred. The first thing that comes to mind is the situation that preceded your feelings. But you now know that it was not the situation or the event that triggered it, but your thoughts on it. Make yourself aware of these thoughts.
- Actively change your thoughts
Finally, decide what thoughts you want to think instead. Consciously choose thoughts that make you feel less strong. For example, if you're angry at someone for hurting you, you can now try to understand their reasons instead. Maybe then your anger will turn into understanding. EVERY feeling can be transformed into a different feeling if you think differently about the matter.
This is the whole secret of emotion control!
Don't worry if this doesn't work out from the start. Like everything in life, controlling emotions is a matter of practice.
By the way, regular meditation is a great support. In meditation you learn to focus your attention entirely on yourself, your body and your breathing as well as to observe your thoughts and to calm them down. You can find instructions here: Learning to meditate - A little instruction
Finally, I would like to address two special points that experience has shown hardest to control are: love and negative emotions:
Dealing with 2 particularly intense emotions in everyday life
1. Unhappily in love - getting a grip on strong feelings of love
Love is one of the strongest emotions and it seems to roll over us like a tidal wave at times. So can love be controlled at all?
Yes and no …
Yes, because love is also very much influenced by your thoughts. I'll get to that in a moment.
No, because you can never COMPLETELY control love. There are two reasons:
- In addition to your thoughts, your body also loosens due to it biochemical reactions your feelings. Similar to hunger and tiredness, your thoughts alone do not determine your feelings of love.
- Falling in love is in our nature because, in fact, it is the Reproduction and conservation serves. The same applies here: The desire for love is to be equated with the desire to eat or sleep.
Nevertheless, you can consciously influence and control the intensity of your feelings of love.
To stick with the aforementioned comparison: You cannot suppress your hunger. But you can decide when and what to eat. It works the same way with love:
If you are unhappily in love and would like to tone down the feelings:
- Get distracted and don't think about the other person all the time. Be conscious of other things in your life that you love (friends, pets, hobbies, etc.). So you can allow the feelings and still direct them in a conscious direction that causes you less pain.
- Be realistic! When we are in love, we see the other person through “rose-colored glasses”. That is, we only look at their positive qualities. After a breakup, we only think about the nice moments. However, if you want to weaken love, then focus on everything that you DO NOT like about the other person!
- Question your feelings. Is it really love Or is it more of a strong emotional dependency that binds you to the other person? In this case, you will find the necessary tips here: Release emotional dependency
Just as you can weaken your feelings of love, you can also activate them!
For example, if you want to revitalize your feelings for your partner, then focus fully on him and all of his positive qualities. Concentrate on everything beautiful in your relationship and consciously enjoy the little moments of happiness. With this you put the rose-colored glasses back on and activate your positive feelings.
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2. Coping with particularly strong negative emotions
Regardless of the negative feelings - whether fear, anger, sadness, despair, guilt and so on - they all have one thing in common:
We usually feel them very strongly and want to get rid of them as soon as possible.
I already explained why this is so in the section on childhood ...
The temptation is particularly great here to suppress these feelings. Many people try to numb themselves (with sweets, alcohol, etc.) or to distract themselves (with television, parties, sports, sex ...).
As I said: you won't get rid of your emotions with that. They keep coming back, causing insomnia, illness, depression or uncontrolled emotional outbursts.
Furthermore, suppressing negative feelings leads to the fact that you also feel your positive feelings less. Your body doesn't care whether you rate feelings as good or bad, for it all feelings are the same.
So as soon as you start suppressing your negative emotions, you will soon feel less love, joy and happiness too!
And last but not least, negative feelings also have an important role to play. They show you that you are MINDLY on the wrong path right now. I can't repeat it enough:
So what do negative emotions tell you?
Correct: They tell you that you are having negative thoughts right now. And because negative feelings don't feel good, that's a clear indication that you should change something.
So instead of suffering from your negative feelings, you should be grateful to them. They are like a compass that shows you: “Look here, in this area of your life you think thoughts that are not good for you. If you want to feel better, you should do something about it! "
I have already described the correct way to deal with negative feelings in the step-by-step instructions. You use this exactly the same way with strong negative emotions.
In addition, I have other articles for you here that will help you cope better with particularly strong negative feelings:
I am pleased if you have read the article up to this point and liked it. You are welcome to express your feelings with an asterisk rating 😉
Thank you and have fun dealing with your emotions in a new way!
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