What is spiral thinking
- 03.10.2006, 04:26#1Newbie
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Compulsion to control
I am currently dealing with perception, spiral thinking, control, a lack of control and the compulsion to control in general.
With spiral thinking I mean a way of thinking that rotates in a circle and clings too firmly to an idea and thus can no longer allow for new thoughts, a kind of mental "ghost belt".
When I notice that my thoughts are piling up like a Babylonian, I consciously steer against it because it does me absolutely nothing. Then I try to relax and to perceive the situation and not to dissect it. This is also very helpful in conversation with others, because this eternal ruminating and scratching in circles brings with it a totally negative pull, whereas a calm awareness leads to results much more easily. These should also be as practical and realizable as possible, otherwise there is a risk of slipping back into this theorizing.
Today, for example, I was exposed to a very uncomfortable situation again - my sister in a depressive "ghost belt", something that I have been experiencing with her since childhood - she is no longer suicidal, but only because she is not alone anywhere without me wants to wait for me in the hereafter ;-) Since I no longer get into her ghost belt of fear and nonsense, but let her run into the void and offer her completely different (as practical as possible) solutions, she becomes sensible more quickly. I do not give your boundless spiral thinking any nourishment, but bring it back to practical life straight away.
This is how I do it to myself when I abstract too much. I keep asking myself to what extent it is fit for life, how much it relates to real life. In doing so, I also become aware of my weaknesses, how much I still slow myself down in many things. I still have to work on myself because the realization is only the first step out of there.
My nephew is still very childlike and dreamy. He is bright, intelligent and intelligent, with an astonishingly good short-term memory. But he is very unreliable when it comes to homework. He does not yet have the automatic need to write down school assignments in the agenda, although he is constantly encouraged to do so. He forgets important tasks again and again, which is why he even got a reprimand from school. It's a little better now, but only because I control everything and keep asking. It used to be much worse, because he regularly forgot his sports bag and left his jacket somewhere, which was often no longer traceable. My mom had to keep reminding him and eventually it got better. But it took years and now, of course, I wonder how long it will take him to really consistently enter all of his school assignments in the agenda and not "drop" them any more.
As a child I was also dreamy, but my inattentiveness (e.g. in traffic) frightened me, so that I increasingly felt the need for control. From then on I wrote everything down and also checked my family (e.g. whether the stove was really off). That's all in itself okay, I've already been able to avert a lot of dangers, but often I overdo it with my control, then it slows me down and I slide into an oppressive control ghost belt with the question "Did I really control well? " Especially when I'm tired or something has happened that went wrong due to insufficient control, I get drawn into this control suction. A calm awareness of the situation is most likely to help. But I haven't gotten over it yet, especially now that my nephew is tending in the opposite direction. I have to control it, the teachers demand it. What I have too little, he has too much. He is so innocent and so little afraid. He trusts me so much in everything.
I keep thinking about how often I have relied on my companion in traffic, my conversation companion just followed in blind trust. Until I suddenly realized that the other person might trust me and that I had to look. My nephew has not yet learned to wake up at school. I make sure that he learns on his practice. I am his command officer :-)
When I consider how much fear there is behind my control, as a child fear of the exercises, fear of danger, fear of my irascible pa etc. All of this is completely alien to my nephew, he is an innocent angel and still wears his wings. And somehow I think it's nice how happy he is in being a child. His eyes are smiling.
Well, I'm not exactly a role model with my excessive control. Only my intuitive perception is a calming instance in me. This gives me a signal when something is REALLY wrong. This is how I have often been able to save my nephew's life. This intuitive instance lets me relax - to a certain extent. But I have to be much calmer to get out of this control ghost belt completely. When I think about it - it's just as difficult for me to change as it is for my nephew :-)
Last edited by Estelle; 10/03/2006 at 4:41 AM
- 03.10.2006, 13:45#2
- 29.01.2007, 02:34#3Newbie
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I think safety aspects play a big role at Estelle. You want to live as well as possible with as little risk as possible.
Planning and control can minimize risks - but only minimize them, never exclude them. So when I try to rule out all conceivable failures by playing through all the possibilities, I make a huge effort, only to fail afterwards, to rule out all risks.
If I have failed despite thorough planning, I might start to constantly check whether everything is still as it should be.
I once forgot to lock important office space. Firstly, it led to a lot of trouble, and secondly, I sometimes turned around and drove back to the office when I wasn't 100% sure whether it was really locked.
This urge to check and check again was a whole new experience for me. But I got the corner and now trust my reliability again - mistakes can always happen, and it's often luck when that's where it doesn't really matter.
If you don't get the curve, you are constantly occupied with nonsense that normal people do not burden.
At some point I started my own business (professionally). If you don't throw this safety-consciousness overboard and start learning to work towards a realistic goal with very spontaneous tactical decisions, you will go under.
So you have to find the golden mean between the pairs of control and planning and thoughtlessness and excessive self-confidence.
- 29.01.2007, 03:23#4Newbie
Hello everybodyQuote by AlwaysSo you have to find the golden mean between the pairs of control and planning and thoughtlessness and excessive self-confidence.
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Yes, I also think the golden mean is the way to go.
I have now reduced my need to control in everyday life in order to acquire a self-assured, spontaneous energy that cannot be worn out by the need to control. Otherwise it would not be efficient and effective, as my self-management books also confirm.
When I look back on the day like this today, I am satisfied, viewed in isolation, but it is not enough, from an objective point of view. I am clearly insufficiently productive, I cannot rationalize my muscular rheumatism (in itself harmless, but painful), even if I try to manage myself and my life as effectively as possible in order to compensate for the lack of energy in this way.
Still, once I've untangled the loose ends in my life, I still hope to release the missing energy:
Allen / How to get things done p.28 / 29/30:
Most of the stress most people experience stems from inadequate handling of obligations that they impose on themselves or assume. Even those who are not consciously overloaded will inevitably experience greater relaxation, improved focus, and more productive energy as they learn to better manage the "loose ends" of their lives. You may have made more agreements with yourself than you realize, and each one - large or small - is being followed up by a part of you just below the threshold of consciousness. These are the unfinished business or "loose ends" that, by my definition, make up everything that tugs your attention because it is not where it belongs and how it should be. You have accepted a certain level of responsibility for anything in your life and work that is open ended of any kind. In order for you to deal with all of this effectively, the first thing you need to do is identify and collect all of the matters that, in one way or another, are raising the alarm bells for you. Then you need to plan how to deal with it. You need to clarify exactly what your commitment is and then decide what, if anything, you need to do to move forward with fulfilling it. Now plan the first physical action required to move the matter forward.
Last edited by Estelle; 01/29/2007 at 3:29 AM.
- 08.04.2007, 14:33#5
hmm ... maybe it doesn't quite fit right now, but I notice that your son doesn't know all of the "driven" as you describe it. but how should he get to know her and take care of himself if he always thinks, oh mama will do it!
maybe you should prepare him a little hmm ... so to speak by letting him do some things alone and just say nothing about it, just watch (I mean harmless things, e )
after that you can give him tips. sure, control is important but he has no chance of becoming independent if he never worries about losing something. okay ... you shouldn't overdo it either! ^^ ..
(a question how old is your son? ..that plays an important role in relation to this text ^^ because the age makes up the dimensions .. ^^ to what extent you are there and to what extent you let the children live out their own experiences)
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