Why do the English hate the Scots

Annoying, but correct: How to make English people glow with heat, guaranteed

Greater Germany no longer exists. Great Britain does. Still. In the autumn the Scots want to vote on the whereabouts, and afterwards we may have to talk about Little Britain. And change the flag. Apart from that, most Brits feel more like English, Scots, Welsh, Irish (North), Pakistanis, Indians, West Indians (i.e. Jamaicans) or Poles (i.e. plumbers and waitresses).

So we're talking about the English, usually recognizable by the fact that they get sunburned the first day of vacation and spend the rest of the time in the pub. What they were up to anyway.

What the Germans and the English have in common is the fact that they fought three wars against each other, all of which the English won: 1914-18, 1939-45 and 1966 at Wembley. Which brings us to the first opportunity to make the English riot:

That was never a goal! ("Sett woss neffer in se laif a gohl!")

Goalscorer - well, "goalscorer" - Geoff Hurst was ennobled by the Queen. So take care. But you can always annoy the English with football. For example, when asked who will get the last free chair by the pool, simply suggest: "Maybe we will decide that with a penalty shoot-out."

Lay out towels early in the morning!

The English believe that all Germans get up early - at ten already - and occupy the sun loungers at the poolside with towels. So reserve your lounger by the pool every day, no matter how hungover you are. Nothing makes people so hot as when they find their prejudices confirmed.

You can take the towels from the hotel, but even better are those with motifs from football (see above) or with the Reich war flag.

War? Just don't get annoyed

Most English, like most Germans, only know World War II from films in which Germans are humorless sadists. Englishmen think humorless sadists are funny, which is why they like to imitate Nazis.

Just don't answer it with humorless masochism: “Setts not fanny! Wih Tschörmenns ah gudd Juropihns nau! ”But borrow a Hitler mustache and join in. But don't post the photos on Facebook afterwards. The fellow Germans have little sense of humor.

Tell German jokes or show Stefan Raab videos

In heaven, the Italians are responsible for the kitchen, the Germans for the technology and the English for the humor. In Hell, the Italians are responsible for the technology, the English for the kitchen and the Germans for the humor.

Say please or thank you as rarely as possible

The English are - apart from the soccer field and the occasional Nazi sex party - the most polite people in the world. Things that are completely OK with us. sound very unpleasant to English ears.