Why can some people not trust themselves

Pistanthrophobia: When you are afraid of trusting others

Last update: 01 March, 2018

Most of us have experienced disappointment or betrayal in love at some point. And we have all learned how difficult it is to trust again when someone has wronged us. In and of itself, trust is not an easy task. However, if you have pistanthrophobia, it can become almost impossible to trust someone.

Trust does not come for free, but it cannot be paid for either. It is something that you either want to give or not. It arises over months and years through shared experiences in mutual relationships. We know it takes a long time to win someone's trust. But that a moment is enough to lose it. However, it is also said that hope is the last thing we lose and that time heals all wounds.

What is pistanthrophobia?

The pistanthrophobia is through an irrational fear of building intimate relationships with otherspeople embossed. Suffered trauma or painful experiences weigh so heavily that fear overwhelms the desire to trust others. People with this ailment start to feel as if sooner or later they would inevitably be disappointed or betrayed. You become extremely suspicious. They fear the idea that the sufferings of the past could repeat themselves. Therefore, they are doing everything in their power to prevent this from happening.

“Why does this always happen to me? I will never be happy. I will always be alone. " These are some of the thoughts that keep repeating in your head. They want to give love and trust, but they feel that they cannot. Therefore, in addition to distrust, they also feel disappointment, frustration, sadness, anger, guilt and shame.

Behavior of people with pistanthrophobia

Nobody wants to experience pain. But when we lose our ability to trust, we also lose the foundation of any human relationship. The consequences for people with pistanthrophobia are not limited to theirs Emotions. They also expand to other areas of their life, like work, family and of course love relationships. Their autosuggestion leads them to isolate themselves socially.

Typical behaviors include:

  • Avoid activities that require close interpersonal contact
  • Become more cautious because you are afraid of criticism
  • Have an exaggerated fear of being judged, rejected, and betrayed
  • Not attending events or meetings where you would run into strangers who you don't know if they will like you
  • Not to take any risks that could endanger your own emotions, that's why you prefer to travel as a loner or even a hermit
  • Avoid intimate relationships so as not to be disappointed again

All of these behaviors get exponentially stronger the more the person feels emotionally connected to another.

Lack of confidence

Usually starts the difficulty of trusting others with distrust of oneself. This distrust has a negative effect on intuition or the sixth sense, and these tell us humans whether another person is trustworthy or not. As such, people with pistanthrophobia do not lack intuition. They just don't trust their inner voice. But don't panic if you're unsure. Then because they trust their judgmentas they have nothing else to lean on. And that leads them to the conclusion that it is dangerous to trust.

This lack of trust in intuition often reduces their trust in other skills, that they could defend themselves if someone attacks them. Accordingly, they become even more suspiciousbecause they think we are defenseless. In this way the phobia intensifies itself.

In this context, building relationships is a very difficult task. It is when they had to climb a very high mountain but were afraid of heights: The fear of falling increases with every step you take. Until they feel like they can't move forward anymore. Therefore, people with pistanthrophobia often end their relationships suddenly. You can no longer go up the mountain, deepen the relationship.

Therapy: the best step we can take

Trust does not come back overnight, neither in us nor in others. Therefore It is important to seek help in overcoming pistanthrophobia. Psychologists can help us recover from our emotional wounds. If the cause is tackled, the problem can be solved.

  • A healthy grieving process is essential if we are to trust again. To do this, we have to accept the pain we feel. And we have to stop running from our feelings. Likewise, we shouldn't trivialize the problem or look the other way.
  • It takes time and rest. The emotions have to stabilize. Therefore, starting a new relationship right away is not a good idea. At that point, you are probably not ready to trust someone again without the traumas you have suffered making your relationship fail.
  • Practice situations that require trust on a daily basis. For example, ask your partner to do a few things that will gradually increase your confidence. Do activities together to build a solid foundation.

Trusting another person is both a real challenge and an imperative. The trust we have in our fellow human beings has several advantages. This includes that our happiness and our self-confidence increase. Well worth the effort.

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