How can I get girls noticed

Counselor - Why am I less self-confident than men?

Why am I less self-confident than men?

I (f, 45) can appear less self-confident than men in many situations. And it seems to me that I am not alone in this. Why do women become unsettled more quickly or do they trust themselves less quickly, for example when they are looking for a job? And how can that be changed?

Actually, one should assume that women's self-confidence has increased with the efforts to achieve equality over the past few decades. But although young women in particular appear much more self-confident than ever before, they continue to have self-doubts more often than young men about their performance.

Why do women doubt more than men whether they have the skills to achieve an achievement, even though they often have better grades on average and the proportion of girls in high schools is now 57 percent?

You want to attract attention

Many studies show that women are more self-confident than men. How can this be explained?

With good grades and hard work, many girls gain recognition from parents and teachers. Girls want to attract attention, be accepted and praised. It is important to avoid penal tasks and mistakes. Boys cross borders much more often and are given penal tasks for this, for example. Nevertheless, they learn that it is part of being offensive, accepting failures and accepting criticism. And they notice that their status rises with their peers if they are not only traveling in adapted mode. “He who resists is strong”: boys learn this pattern early on. In contrast, a “good” girl is social and is less noticeable for her ability to assert herself, willingness to take risks and quick-wittedness.

A US study interviewed 1,300 girls between the ages of 8 and 18. Amazingly, the self-confidence of the 8-year-olds is highest, after that it goes down. 45 percent of 13-year-olds agreed with the statement that there is no way to fail in life. But doesn't failure also make us strong by learning to develop independence and assertiveness? When girls focus on meeting expectations, they lack a training ground for dealing with differences and competition. Acting confidently means risking rejection.

Play Confidence

You can learn to appear self-confident and how to reduce self-doubt. The men weren't all born self-confidently either. But many have already developed acting skills in their childhood in order to cover up weaknesses. Sometimes it can help women to act a little and be more confident in job interviews, for example. Identify your competencies, demand a fair wage, and keep your self-doubts to yourself. Use practice fields in everyday life to express your views and encourage other people to do the same. These are small "training units" for healthy self-confidence.

* Andrea Munz is lic. phil. Psychologist, supervisor, organizational consultant BSO, coach; www.andreamunz.ch.