Can someone be gay?

Queer knows that (27) : Is it difficult for gays to find a steady partner?

A couple of gay friends of mine once complained that it was difficult for them as gays to find partners for stable relationships. Is that really the case and if so, why? - Angie, Friedrichshain

Well, hard to say. Those who hang around a lot on dating apps could of course get this impression. “I am looking for my Prince Charming, who will spend life with me” - you will rarely read that there. All the more men are looking for “fun now”. Very few people understand “fun” as reading love poems to each other on the sofa.

But now it would be daring to draw conclusions about the overall bonding behavior from dating apps. In any case, I know a lot of gay and lesbian couples who prove exactly the opposite. It is also questionable whether heterosexuals find it so much easier to find a partner. Whole books have already been written about the supposed “generation incapable of relationships” - mind you, by heterosexual authors who write about heterosexual partnerships.

What may be different with gay couples than with heterosexual couples: They can better agree on open partnerships. Loyalty is understood as emotional and not so much as sexual loyalty. Men may find it easier to do this because it is part of their self-image to be sexually active frequently. It doesn't have to please everyone. Perhaps an open partnership is exactly where your friends start to bother each other.

Homophobic topos: The drive-controlled gay

In order not to be misunderstood, this does not mean that gay men are just drive-controlled. This topos is often used by homo enemies to deny gays the ability to marry and thus also the right to marry.

There can be no question of gay partnerships - once they have been formed - being dramatically unstable. At least that applies to the couples who officially say yes to each other. In 2015, 106,000 homosexuals lived in a registered partnership in Germany. Only 1,136 partnerships were canceled, with gay couples even breaking up less often than lesbian ones. Comparisons with heterosexual spouses are difficult, as the registered civil partnership has only existed for 15 years. But the relationship between existing and divorced marriages is not significantly different among straight people.

Be that as it may, nowhere is it written that a romantic two-person relationship is the only way of life that makes you happy. You can also enjoy single life - regardless of whether you are gay or straight.

Episode 26: Is there a gay lobby?

Episode 25: Do many gays like leather and rubber?

Episode 24: Do gay men have a sense of humor?

Episode 23: What Do Lesbians Have Against Trans Men?

Episode 22: What do you choose your partner for?

Episode 21: Why do you have to say that you are gay?

Episode 20: Is Homosexuality Innate?

Episode 19: Why do homosexuals put themselves in drawers?

Episode 18: Why are you gays always so chunky?

Episode 17: Why do you still need the CSD?

This text first appeared in the printed Saturday supplementMore Berlin.

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