Do you know why you are lonely

Dear mom are you lonely - by Peggy E.

A lot is currently being said and written about Alzheimer's disease. There are great films, shows and books. I read a lot and exchange ideas with other people affected thanks to the blog. Many acquaintances and friends have now heard about it and have asked - and I can talk about it. I can say that I cannot relax when I go to my parents' home (as everyone who does not know that you are sick thinks) and that it is even more stressful for me to be with the children. I notice how good it is for me that I am more open about it. I can finally say: "My mom has Alzheimer's disease" without me crying or suppressing my tears.

And then I think of you I see you sitting in your favorite armchair. You are alone when you walk around the table round after round in the dining room. You are alone when we sit at the table, eat and talk. You can no longer have a say. You can't join in when the kids are playing. Are you lonely then You don't seem unhappy most of the time. You fiddle with your cardigan with your fingers and go and go. Or you sit and look into the distance.

But sometimes you look around helplessly. And these situations are becoming more common. When Dad dresses you and patiently tells you: “Now the right leg”, “The right leg”, “The leg here”, then you stand there and don't know what to do with your leg. You look at him with your dear eyes. If I want to wash your hair and say: "Come on, now bend your head forward", then you look at me. Sometimes you nod because I nod. But you didn't understand what I was saying at all. I can no longer reach you with my words. You are elsewhere.

Yet I believe that you are less lonely now than you were a few years ago. When Alzheimer's disease wasn't that advanced, you could do a lot. But you have noticed that you are forgetting things, you no longer know, or that you are having trouble with normal everyday activities. You were often sad and crying. You probably cried a lot more when I and the kids weren't around. Then you got medication and it became a little more bearable for you, at least you laughed more often again and weren't just depressed. But today I understand that you felt lonely because you were suddenly alone and insecure in your familiar surroundings. Strange in your own home.

You get a lot of affection and help. Papa's thoughts and efforts revolve only around you. He is almost always with you and takes care of you in the way that anyone who is sick can only wish for. And you are with others in day care, you like the nurses, and you get along well there. Now that the disease has drifted into the difficult phase, you are probably not as lonely as you were at the beginning. You're just in another place.

With a smile and a stroke, it is possible to bring you into our world and to have moments together. But it's getting harder and harder. And I realize that it makes us lonely. Dad is with you every day - and yet without you. You are in your own world. It even makes me lonely that you're not with me anymore. I left home a long time ago, but we were still close. We could make phone calls, write to each other, and visit. Now I'm going to visit you and talk to you, but you are somewhere else. You look at me with big eyes. I'll tell you how I am. I hope you respond. But you are in your world - and I feel abandoned.

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